that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
