my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
