I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
