Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
