Just cropdusted the office
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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