Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
