Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
