I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
