The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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