if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
