i need an iv and a liver transplant
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
