The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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