I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
