Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
