Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
