I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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