make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
