i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
