My liver just broke up with me...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
dude. I can hear the air.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
