I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
