Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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