There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
