okay pat passed out under dana's car
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
