Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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