The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
