Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she told me i tasted like america
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
