Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
