I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
