that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
