Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
