Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
