Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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