He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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