So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
