He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
