Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
