i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
