i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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