I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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