It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
