i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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