I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
