I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My vagina just recognized that song.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
