Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
