Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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