He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
