What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
