My hand turned me down
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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