I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
