When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
