I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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