I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
her vagine was all disorganized.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
