somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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